Thought everything was in control till now. And it's not that I'm (conscienly) insecure or anything, is just that ... I really have no idea. Since yesterday I'm feeling this anxiety, the chemicals begging me to see you as soon as posible. But, I have to be aware of that, it's just oxytocin Amanda! It's not like the first time you feel ir, remember? It's just that happened a long time since the very last time I felt it (probably around 2012 with the fireman).
Fuck, it sucks that in every simgle moment of free time my mind goes right to you. But it's not something specific, that's how I know it's just hormones and shit like that. I mean... Ok, maybe the horoscope had a bit to do in this, as far as I recall, it started when she read something like "Capricorn, you've found your soulmate" and OF COURSE that I thought of him. The day after, I couldn't even look at you without smiling and thinking "fuck, I think I really like him". And though our conversation felt honest, I still have to see my own red flags. Here I go.
Today I was walking around while texting you, and had this image of a few months ago when I used to talk with N after lunch. Am I looking for a replacement? Am I looking for attention? Am I trying to evoid putting my shit back together? Guess I have a lot of thinking to do. As far as I know, I promised myself that everytime I "needed" to text you (with nothing to talk about) I'm gonna sit on the drums to play some music, to remind me that this is MY TIME, and I want to do all things I left aside for N.
When something it's meant to be, it just finds you naturally, there's nothing to force. If it goes, was never yours, if it comeback... You know.
(You got this, girl)
